my day’s so fucked up 2dy…it strtd w/ me wkng up alne xcpt 4 dude (my puppy)…so aftr hvng a quick brunch, i wnt 2 a frnd’s hauz…but she was aslp, so i jaz wnt bck hme and rtrned 2 slumber…at about 6 pm i wke up sdnly frm a nghtmre…damn, y do sum thngs kp cmng bck, evn in ur uncnscious state?…hell, y cnt i shke dem off? r my effrts futile? r my pains not fatal enaf? wen wil all dis shit end? wen blood stream dwn my eyes instd of tears?
y do i cntnue valuing ppol who dnt sim 2 gve a damn ’bout me? aftr all dat we’ve bin tru, it ended lke dis…and jaz wen my scars r healing d hul damned cosmos is dlbr8ly reopening dem…i’m furious with dis mean world and i wish i can jaz b mad at u…but i cn’t… and i nvr rly was…hw cld i?… wen i’ve nvr luv sum1 as dply as u…mybe dat’s also d rson, y u r the 1 who’ve hurt me the mst…but evn f the sting fils poisoned dagers in my hemorraging heart, at night, b4 i slip, i stil pry 4 u, wshng u joy alwys… mybe i’m jaz a fool…ur fool olwyz…
i wsh i can sty awy frm u, but a part of me stl wnt 2 b der 4 u, 2 b a frnd wen u nid 1…but rght nw, i’ve 2 hlp myslf… hw cn i evr heal agn… f i’l c u do thngs 4 him, thngs dat until now i stl wshed u’ve done 4 me…f evrytme i c u i rmbr my grief…f dis plce rmnds me of u & evrywer i luk i c memories of ours, haunting…
i thought dat i’ve bin tru d roughest & steepest roads of ds accrsed life.how veri wrng i was…d pains dat u’ve caused me was sumthng new…it ws mre dan the rejection i had wen my father abandoned us to starved and sufer, or the lneliness i flt wen Bench left…mre dan my 21 lnely yrs n dis wrld…
i hpe all dis wil fade awy and me as well…f only He’ll grnt me dat mch desired rest…i wil hve no hrd flngs…evn f my years hve bin short and mstly unhapi…bsdes, i dnt thnk i cn stl blve dat i’l stl b hapi sumday…i wntd to, so mch…but my body’s too weary,soul’s mangled and heart’s moribund…
it wld b bter f u wld jaz leave me alone 4 nw…let me hlp myslf …& f i prve 2 b a failure agn…den nbdy else cn hlp me, nt evn u…but n mtr wat hpns, i wnt 2 thnk u 4 evrythng…and i’m trbly sorry…f da worse hpns pls dnt blme urslf, sumbdy else and me…ders no point in fault fndng..its ovr & it wld cause us furthr harm if we act like the worst nemesis of each othr…i’d b fne on my own of crse, i’l olwys b rselient evn if i oftn hpe dan i’m half as strong as u r..U r such a tough young woman & i knw he nids u mre dan i do…but i hope u’l lrn 2 b mre enduring. kip holding on to the thngs u blve in mst fully & 2 d ppol u luv mst diply. i wld hve wntd so mch 2 stay and knw each day dat ur safe and well but its time 4 me 2 spread my own wings and retrace the path of my good old life…Adieu, pare ko!!!
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