Anew

Recently, A gifted, wise and kind priest told me to vent out my emotions and not to suppress and stifle them.

Such words felt like a splash of icy seawater straight into my weary eyes...


I have neglected my inner life for so long and in consequence the best part of me, the believer, died. And so the pen was buried alongside the faithful one . . . I floated in oblivion, alienated, disconnected, alone, forsaken...Nothing is worse than living and not finding anything or anyone worth living for. No other truth is harsher and more isolating than the fact that your cherished idealisms, beliefs and all other maxims you have believed in and lived by so deeply and faithfully have been shaken, shattered, mocked and melted right before your wide wakefulness. As Anne Frank once said it "It is hard to stand your ground when people are showing their worst side" and it is exponentially hardest when even your very self have seen your worst and most nefarious being.


I have wandered into the deepest and darkest sector of my inner universe, my soul.


I have been floating for far too long but now I am learning to swim once more and may this note be a life-long testament of my utmost gratitude to all who have helped me -the Ruelos and the Perez, my fellow Dazers, my KHF benefactors, my ThePillars family, friends, teachers and mentors at ADNU & MSS and most especially to the people who are tagged here, with, of course an even more special emphasis on my newfound friends and confidants, Karla and Fr. Ritche and with much affection, to my wife Bang. ;)


Thank you everyone for making me believe again that despite the many stupidities of and countless differences in religion, political beliefs, ideals, experiences and our ways of doing things, we can still be really good friends.


And I want you to remember always that of all the treasures we can have in this world, nothing is more invaluable than our fellow humans.


I love you all.


Live well.


Laugh often.


Love always.


To live is to dream.

To dream is to hope.

To hope is to believe.

To believe is to live.


-ReX-

Tolkien's

From the LOTR's Return of the King


Samwise to Frodo:


It's all wrong. By right we shouldn't even be here but we are.

It's like in the great stories, the ones that really mattered.

Full of darkness and danger they were and sometimes you didn't want to know the end

because how can the end be happy?

How can the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened?


But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow, even darkness must pass.

A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.

Those are the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you are

too small to understand why. And I think... I do understand, I know now.

Folk on those stories had lots of chances of going back only they didn't, they kept going

because they were holding on to something...


That there is some good in this world...

and it's worth fighting for.

_______________________________________________________


Frodo's Memoir


How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back?

There are some things that (even) time cannot mend,

some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold...

Heck!

It's Maundy Thursday and after explaining to, which ended up in debating with,
some friends and acquintances about the traditonal "Alay Lakad" to a famous pilgrimage site,
I felt exhausted but relieved.
Heck, I did want to be with them but the critic in me is heating up again.
Why would I walk looooonnnnnnggggggg kilometers if I can reflect in silence?
That's got to be more meaningful than spending three hours walkling and talking
about such trivial things like the lives of someone's neighbors like they do on
SNN and other entertainment show garbage.

I miss writing so darn bad that it feels like having a constant and nagging toothache
and I wish that this abhorent writer's block will be expelled out of the realms of my universe.
It's been almost a year since I wrote anything worthy
and I don't even know that this piece isn't a crap!

Oh dear, I guess I have been to immersed, seeing the worst side of people.
I find it ridiculous how people go so gaga over how the world will end in 2012 in some apocalyptic
interference of the cosmic forces.
Give me a break, humans do not need help in destroying this only habitable planet in the solar system,
we are doing an excellent job already.
We will bring the apocalypse if we don't stop adhering to that golden rule of self-preservation,
thinking of nothing and no one else but ourselves.

...Perhaps I've grown tired of believing that supposedly, men are good by nature, when all around I only see savages in human form, unable to think for themselves, always and forever trying to please, to conform and to appear agreeable. Whatever happened to individualism? I hate the sight of those robots walking around in similar ways as if they were programmed to do so. I always value independence of thought and detest all forms of standardizing rationality, after all
"It's way too easy to live our lives by default. If we are not careful, we can become the sum total of all the expectations others impose on our lives." (E.R. Mcmanus)

Well, at least it's good to know that I'm still my own master and still resistant to ridiculous maxims of this society like it's mangled ideas of success, heroism and progress. And oh yes, the next time someone tells me my ideas are too radical or "it would do no good to be a fundamentalist these days", maybe I will show him the devil that I am...LOL...